WHAT IS IT?
Mayo Clinic's definition of PMDD is "a severe, sometimes disabling extension of premenstrual syndrome". The symptoms of PMDD are: mood swings, depressed mood or feelings of hopelessness, suicidal ideation, marked anger, increased interpersonal conflicts, tension, anxiety/ social avoidance, irritability, decreased interest in usual activities, difficulty concentrating, fatigue, change in appetite, feeling out of control or overwhelmed, sleep problems (hypersomnia or insomnia), headaches, bloating, breast tenderness, muscle or joint pain. Don't those sound fun?
These are all correlated with hormones. They arrive before your period, just like PMS. But for me (and a lot of women I've heard from on the internet) the symptoms hang around for up to 3 weeks of every month. I have 13-15 of those symptoms for 2 1/2 to 3 weeks every single month . On the good week everything is peachy, I'm happy, all is right with the world, and I let things roll off my back relatively easily. Then it goes downhill. I get depressed, worried, anxious, angry, extremely irritable, I cry over everything, and I scream at my family and throw things/punch things. All emotions feel amplified and there's an abundance of irrational thinking. I feel very out of control.
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ME
I was just recently diagnosed with PMDD, but I've been battling it for about 8 years. Before I had kids I thought I was pretty normal as far as PMS goes. Then after my pregnancies I got worse as the years went on. About 2 and 1/2 years ago I was reading about my symptoms on the internet and realized, "Hey, this sounds just like me, I bet I have PMDD."
I feel like I can't even describe the torment PMDD is every month. Imagine every single month, for more than half the month, feeling and believing you're an awful person and you have a horrible life. I've wanted to run away from my family (that I love!) numerous times. I've wanted to quit my job (that I really like!) countless times. For a while I seriously considered if I was bipolar. It really does feel like a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde situation, like I'm a different person. The scariest part of being Mr. Hyde is it feels real. Every single month. It feels like that's who I truly am. And the next part is going to sound really crazy. On my good days each month I felt so opposite of the bad weeks that I would tell myself, "This PMDD stuff isn't so bad. I can handle it. Maybe next month won't be so awful. Maybe something will change. Maybe this new ___ (vitamin, exercise, change of thinking, etc) will alleviate my symptoms. But every month is the same, over and over again. For years on end.
Don't get me wrong, I still had really good times and I have lots of happy memories from the last several years, but when I truly looked at the whole picture I realized I was sad/mad/hysterical MORE than I was happy/normal/content. It's a hard thing to face. It's difficult to say, "I think I have a serious disorder".
I did a bunch of research about treatments/remedies for PMDD and depression. I had previously tried an anti-depressant but it wasn't good for me- it turned me into a zombie, I wasn't happy or sad, just existing- so I didn't want to go that route again. I decided to give St. John's wort a try since it's said to be a natural mood elevator. After a month or so I decided to talk to a doctor also. I told her all my symptoms, but because I wasn't suicidal or harming myself she didn't seem to think it was very serious. She suggested birth control to try to help with hormone spikes. I explained that I was wary of trying birth control because I was scared to add more hormones to my already unstable ones. She suggested I keep taking the St. John's wort and try a low dose birth control. Once my free 1-month sample ran out I went to fill the Rx, but it was extremely expensive. I was unable to afford it at the time, and there was no generic. After 3 months or so on the St. John's wort I felt I couldn't notice a difference so I gave up on it.
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| classy.org via google images |
(Continued in next post)
THE TRUTH
I have an amazing life! I have 3 happy, healthy kids, and a supportive, kind husband. I have a nice home in a good neighborhood, 2 working vehicles, my husband and I both have great jobs, we have loving families, and I love my religion- it gives me perspective and strength every day. I have a few hobbies that I enjoy and all my needs are met. I have all the things I dreamed of when I was a kid. But you know what? My mental illness makes me forget how wonderful life is. For 16-20 days out of every single month I have major depressive disorder coupled with all those other symptoms. Each month is a roller coaster. It's incredibly hard to live with.
http://www.apa.org/monitor/oct02/pmdd.aspx < Here is an interesting discussion from the American Psychological Association about PMDD.
