Trying treatment

Since I determined to get a handle on my PMDD I made an appointment with a new doctor.  He was wonderful.  I felt like he actually listened to me.  He was knowledgeable about PMDD and had seen many cases.  He discussed the treatment options and decided on something that I felt comfortable with and he felt was appropriate.


MY DIAGNOSIS
I felt validated after my appointment.  Some people in the healthcare field don't recognize PMDD as a real disorder.  My doctor said something like, "I've seen young girls attempting suicide every month when it's time for their period.  That's very real."  After hearing my symptoms and asking a few questions, he said I have PMDD, but luckily it's on the mild side of the cases he's seen.

livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.com via google images

MY TREATMENT
I mentioned before I've been on an anti-depressant years before when I had a rough patch with my depression.  I hated the medicine.  It turned me into a zombie- I wasn't happy or sad, I was just there.  And a couple years ago, once I realized I probably had PMDD, I tried herbal supplements.  Those didn't seem to help.  After discussing options with my new dr we decided on an extended cycle birth control bill, which is a 3 month pill.  After my first pack we are going to evaluate and see if a low dose of SSRI is needed.  I'm nervous about trying another anti-depressant, but honestly, after living with these symptoms for more than 8 years I'm ready to try anything.
Disclaimer: Please realize I'm not a healthcare professional and I'm not advising anyone to do exactly what I'm doing.  Everyone is different and everyone has her own path.  I'm sharing my story in hopes that it might help someone else.

OTHER TREATMENT OPTIONS
Like I said in a previous post, I realize there are other treatments besides drugs.  But right now that seems to be my best option.  I am also trying to cut back on my sugar intake and be more active.  I've read many articles and comments about natural treatments and changing diet and exercise.  Here are some articles you might like:
http://www.pmscomfort.com/pms-pmdd-symptoms/natural-cure-for-pmdd-pms.aspx
https://www.womentowomen.com/pms/severe-pms-and-pmdd-treatment/2/
http://pmddnaturaltreatment.com/
http://livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.com/2016/07/declare-your-independence-from-pmdd.html

Ok, back to my treatment.  I filled my prescription right after my appt, and started the pills that night.  Two days later I went into full-blown PMDD episode.  I guess my body thought we were skipping "the good week" and going right into hormone hell again......

Side note--the following appears in very small type for some unknown reason.  Can't seem to change it, no matter what I try.  Sorry!

Here's a real life example of PMDD :  I've left out a couple of details for time/space sake, but  I'm sure you'll be able to easily recognize the irrational thinking and out of control emotions...

My husband really wanted to go to our ward's temple night.  I didn't really have the desire to go as sometimes I have social avoidance with PMDD.  But I didn't want to be selfish so I agreed.  I had asked 2 of his nieces if they wanted to come tend our kids at our house.  They said yes, but they would double check with parents.  So the day arrived and I text the girls in the morning to see if it was still ok that they came over to tend.  One said yes, but the other wouldn't answer (I later found out she was working this day even though she usually only works on the weekends).  I was feeling frustrated because my kids weren't being good, weren't listening, weren't whatever.... I was yelling at the kids and trying to get the house clean.  I wasn't feeling in the right mindset to go to the temple, and besides, I didn't know if 1 of my sitters was coming.   Husband was texting me asking if I'd heard from them, if he was to pick up the pizza on his way home, what their favorite candy was (because I had promised the girls their fav treat).  Then my M-I-L text me asking if  the kids could be tended at her house instead, and that she would feed them.  I need to add here that I love my mother-in-law tremendously.  She is an amazing person who bends over backwards to help her family.  But you know what?  I was mad.  My hormones were raging and I felt like everyone-- my m-i-l, my husband, my kids, nieces-- I felt like they were all trying to mess up my life.  I had no desire to go to the temple anymore.  I was in an ugly "mad/sad" state.  BUT I was trying to stay calm and talk myself down and see the situation for what it really was.  

picsart.com via google images

I listened to my husband's advice: that if I didn't feel like being at the temple then it was probably the best place for me to be.  I gave myself a pep talk.  I told my m-i-l that it was fine and I would bring them to her house, and I told my husband I would have the kids and myself ready to go by the time he got home.  Then the working niece text me saying she could come tend at my house and told me her favorite treat.  I was still giving myself that pep talk so I thought, "This is fine, it will all work out, it's just a small hiccup, I'll grab the treats and pizza and the girls and drive them to grandma's.  It will all work out wonderfully."  So I text the nieces back and finalized the plans, and they were totally fine with it.  So I got everything and everyone ready to walk out the door.  I reach for the car key in its usual spot, but it's not there.  It's not in my purse.  Not my pocket.  Not the counter.  Not my dresser.  Not anywhere.  Time was ticking and by now I was running late so I could feel my anger rising up again.  I told my kids they needed to help me find the car key.  After a while my daughter said she thought she saw my toddler put it in her dresser drawer.  In an effort to keep from strangling her (well, not really, but I was furious that she hid the key and blamed the toddler) I stood to the side and watched her search through all her dresser drawers.  It wasn't there.  I looked everywhere that stupid key could have possibly been.  I realized that I have to be a horrible mother for my kids to hide my car key in order to sabotage me.  By this point I was crying hard.  I snuck into the garage so my kids wouldn't hear me bawling.  My husband called to say he was on his way, and as I explained to him that the kids hid the car keys and I didn't think we were going to make it to the temple, I cried even harder.  I finally had to hang up because I couldn't talk anymore.  In that dark, hot, sawdust-filled garage my PMDD emotions took over.  I sunk to the concrete floor and had a breakdown.  I was sobbing so hard I could barely breathe, in my mind I was cursing everyone who had 'messed up' my plans, cursing my new medication, cursing my hormones and emotions, cursing the world, and blaming God for all of it.  

*I will post some thoughts on having a support system soon and the end of ^that^ story will be included.*

MOVING FORWARD
Right now I have to take one day at a time.  I pray a lot.  I still cry a lot.  I really want to find a treatment that works for me.  I hate my birth control right now, but I know I have to give it time.  My doctor encouraged me to be patient and not give up.  There are many options and lots of resources out there, so if you're struggling with PMDD too, I hope you'll be successful also.