Depression

I've decided to gather my thoughts on depression here.  If this is your first visit to this blog, note that depression (Major Depressive Disorder or MDD) and PMDD are 2 different things.  If you're interested in PMDD see my previous posts.  If not, read on, friend.

I'm Melanie.  And I battle depression.  I used to say 'I struggle with depression' but I have since discovered that I am a mental health warrior, so now I say 'battle'.  It feels empowering.  I am sharing these thoughts because I feel impressed to do so.  I hope it will help someone.

I have battled depression since I was a teenager.  It was frustrating but manageable.  Friends, faith, and moms are tremendous supports.  The years went on.  Over those years I fought: depression, postpartum depression, adrenal fatigue, pre-menstrual disphoric disorder, and mild anxiety.  Depression has been my biggest and most recurring demon.

"Like a Broken Vessel"

Remember when Elder Holland spoke about depression in General Conference in 2013?  That was a breath of fresh air for me!  I thought, "Wow, I am so pleased that he is talking about this to a worldwide audience.  It proves it's not taboo and that so many people are affected by it."  His talk was wonderful.  I've listened to it more times than I can count.  It's genuine and full of hope.
A related resource is the church's Mental Health site: https://www.lds.org/mentalhealth?lang=eng


After many years I fortunately found a doctor who listened to me, understood my concerns, and helped me find a medication combination that works for me.  There's a huge stigma surrounding mental illness and the medications and therapies that accompany it.  But these are tools to help overcome effects of a condition.  When discussing this topic my friend Jennifer said, "I am a firm believer that mental illness is just as real, serious, and treats us all differently just like heart disease is real, serious, and treats us all differently in how it presents itself and how it is treated."

You know what has helped me a lot?  Talking to others.  I have been able to speak to other people who have gone through similar things and it is validating.  The loneliness starts to dissipate when someone you know has experienced what you have.

Studio 5, KSL

I started reading a new book yesterday.  It's called "Silent Souls Weeping" by Jane Clayson Johnson.  I am only on chapter 3 but I already love it!  Here's a video of the author talking about it: https://studio5.ksl.com/jane-clayson-johnson-there-is-light-beyond-the-darkness-of-depression/
This book has great stories that can make you feel understood and not alone.  As I read I keep nodding and thinking, "Yes!"

Depression is complicated!  There are many symptoms; it affects many ages; there are many forms of treatment; and the length of time it affects a person is varied.  I've heard it said that "Depression is the common cold of mental illness.  It's not a matter of IF you'll get it, but WHEN."

Something I hate about depression is how it affects my body.  I can sleep for 10 hours and still feel exhausted.  My body aches.  I have no motivation to do anything.  Even the small things feel like a major challenge.  But... I think the worst thing about depression is that I can't trust my own thoughts.  I have a wonderful life, but the chemical imbalance in my brain makes me believe that things are horrible and nothings ever goes right.  I can't believe what I think.  I can't trust my own mind.  It's debilitating to realize I can't believe what I'm thinking or feeling; that I have to analyze and decipher everything.  e.g.: "Is my life truly falling apart or is it just my depression making me believe that a bad day means a bad life?"

May I make a friendly suggestion?  If you're feeling depressed, or even just a bit down, please try something.  Get a paper and pen and set a timer for 2 minutes.  In those 2 minutes write down names of people who are good in your life.  People who love you, people who have had a positive impact on you, people who are a force for good in your life.  I think you'll be surprised at how much goodness surrounds you.
Here's something else to consider:
The Slump Cycle
I heard this years ago, but didn't write a source.  It was a therapist or counselor.  I find this chart and steps very helpful.
Step 1 you will probably have to force yourself to do.  Like dance with your child  or walk around the block.  It can be simple, but it needs to be something to break you out of the numbness you're feeling.  Then you follow with steps 2-4.

In conclusion:
Depression is horrible stuff.  Let's help each other through it.  We can reach out and reach up.  Christ will not leave us comfortless; He will come to us (John 14:18 NKJV).